Living with Bellatrix is mostly adhering to her rules. We provided these rules last summer, but they have been lightly updated.
Gentle catfolk, with the onset of hot weather, we must present a few important weather guidelines, upon which we have mutually agreed upon to ensure no one gets cranky during the summer. I mean to say, this is what she has laid down as the law and because I love my cat and my limbs, I oblige. You may find these helpful in dealing with your furry folk at home.
1. At all times the apartment shall remain cool and dark, even at hours in the morning it would be best to turn a light on.
2. The proper setting of the fan is 3, and rotating. Best fan ever.
3. Belleh exposed to the sky is still not an invitation to touch the angel fur. It is a method of getting cool.
4. Dinner time will be moved to nocturnal hours. Don’t care if it’s 2 am, OKAY.
a. That doesn’t mean you can roll in at 9 pm like it’s not a thing. I still expect you home at decent hours.
b. Food time will be followed by a light waving of stick toy. I will bring you the feather part to tie back on to the end. Don’t half-ass this effort. I’ll know.
5. By play, we mean the human may play a video game, and the cat may watch. Chasing, jumping, scurrying – these are all out.
6. We also mean baseball must be watched often so if that interferes with said video game play, perhaps you need to learn how to manage that better.
7. Sitting or laying stretched out nearby is a sign of affection. No touching. Stop. Put the hand back.
8. There is a cool dark space on the beanbag slightly out of direct path of the fan. Do not move or adjust the beanbag at this time because seriously do you know how difficult this process is.
9. Share that cool beverage, no, I mean it. Give it.